Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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