I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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