I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
