so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
