Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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