I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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