We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
