are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
