Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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