I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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