i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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