I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
