How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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