Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
