That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
