Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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