I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
