what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
