They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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