Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
