If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
