in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
