Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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