the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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