dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have tasted many bathrooms
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