he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
