don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All I want is dick and wine.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
