Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
