kristin has been a bad kristin
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
