I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
