He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
