Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
