is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
