After last night, I could never be a politician.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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