the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
