Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
