My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
