that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
