Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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