guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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