I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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