Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize