Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
