sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is my gift to your gina
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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