If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it glows. i had to have it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
