2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
