I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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