Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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