How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
