We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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