South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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