i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
