I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
