Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
