guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
