I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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