I think I am morally bankrupt
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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