Heybabeimwearingurpanties
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
