I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
