Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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