apparently the secret to your success is patron
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
