I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
