I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
