"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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