i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
not ubering you a puppy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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