You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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