There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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