and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
