He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize