i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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