puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
