I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
