And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
