She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
