ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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