he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
