The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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