The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
