wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
