This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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