I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
