ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
