We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
