I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
