I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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