her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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