So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
