I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
