I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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