Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
