apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
