yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
