i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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