i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I will die if light touches me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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