I wish I only lived at night.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
