plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
