First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
